Where do i run?

[non academic and very informal writing]

During our 6 hours KL-Terengganu roadtrip, I remember having a long discussion and planning with ibu and ayah in the car on how to be much more independent after graduating. Mostly on financial and economic planning.

Not that i'm unable to manage my own lil' self, but being particularly aware of the danger of riba(interest) in todays current affairs, i cannot help to be continuously bothered and ponder upon how do i survive this world without afflicting this beautiful deen. Being well aware of the danger in taking riba', is it enough for me to conclude just like the majority of people who claimed that in todays time, its impossible to live without interest and just to give up without trying.

Could i get myself a car without taking up loans. The cost of a myvi is about 39k while basic startup salary for engineers should be about minimum 3k. by rough calculations, it would take me about a year plus to raise enough money to get myself a car without taking up loans.

But wait. Where in the world do i get money to eat and groceries expenditure. =(

Since i've pledge to myself that im not going to raise a family without a car, i do have a license for motorbike, but it'll be too risky for me to raise a family with a motorbike. Its just too dangerous. How about second hand cars? thats a good idea, but iman said that second hand car, eventhough you can get a dirt cheap car, but the cost of maintaining are usually very high and sometimes it could be more than the cost of maintaining a new one.

How important getting a family ?? As important as continuing this life. I really really feel that i need to love under the blessing of Allah SWT as soon as possible.

how about a house?. certainly not buying. yet still have to pay rent. Or should i duduk bawah ketiak mak. malu pulak

When will i have enough money to get married: mahr (dowry) + walimah (reception) ... beforehand having a car ... beforehand having a rented house ...?? cost of going for hajj is about 10k...

=((( yes i've planned. But the future to it are still very dark and shady to me.

I certainly NOT going to take up loans. Even more so loans+interest.

until it came to a point when i dropped the pen down and meet a dead end. Where should i go ?? How i should plan this life which doesnt shed any light or even a glimpse of a bright future?? I am clueless and worry. well it wasnt the first time that i dropped the pen and having to feel the same way.

Will i reach 30 before i can start a family and probably 40 before i can do hajj.??

and today i came upon a hadith which indicates to me of the very situation that i know better and smacked me up down left and right. Is this a hint or maybe a possible solution?

Narrated Abu Said Al-Khudri: Allah's Apostle said,

"A time will come that the best property of a Muslim will be sheep which he will take on the top of mountains and the places of rainfall (valleys) so as to flee with his religion from afflictions." (Sahih Bukhari Book #2, Hadith #18)

I am strucked. Again and Again repeating the very hadith. Is it the time mentioned? Why does it sound so lonely. But then again. Am i not lonely now? I have friends, but i do confess im not to good in keeping friendships (going off topic)... thats a whole different stories. But isnt it Allah that matter the most.


and then i stumbled upon Rocking Hijab's old blog entry:

"Sesungguhnya ALLAH telah membeli dari orang-orang mu'min, harta mereka dengan memberikan syurga untuk mereka..."

-Surah At-Taubah ayat 111

and again a verse that i came upon today:

Wahai hamba-hambaKu yang beriman! Sesungguhnya bumiKu adalah luas (untuk kamu bebas beribadat); oleh itu, (di mana sahaja kamu dapat berbuat demikian) maka hendaklah kamu ikhlaskan ibadat kamu kepadaKu. .
[Holy Quran 29:56]

is it a path that i am lead to? I am sensing a message and a call. I do feel i am lead to somewhere.

Need to be straight and strong.Straight and strong.Straight and strong

and in this post, i'd like to make clear of the situation to all who are interested to have a family with me [I doubt theres any]. If you want to have a life with me. Its not going to be easy.

I really need someone strong ...

Oh Allah make this feet to stand firm on your deen and to prove that i sold myself to you. Guide me in times of hardship and liberate me from doubts. I bring myself close to you and plead for sincere forgiveness of all my past mistakes.

Allahu ma'assabirin ... Allah with those who are patience...

Ranted and hoped by,


16 comment:

Fid says:
at: February 13, 2010 at 5:02 AM said...

I attended a kuliyyah delivered in my resident city, doha by a student from madinah university on nasihah Luqman Hakim kepada anaknya. Antara pesannya, " Anak yang taat jika diminta oleh orang tuanya untuk dibelikan kereta atau harta dengan mengambil pinjaman bank (with elements of interests of course), tidak akan menurutnya kerana takwa nya kepada Allah Taala. " I was smitten by the advice --- and my advice to you " Allah is sufficient for us -- move on with your present journey by obeying to Allah, place no worry on the provisions that Allah has stored for you which you have no clue what they are but have faith in Him, He knows what best for you. I am so proud that you have such determination to comply with Allah's Dos and Donts to His slaves despite your young age.. Barakallahu fik.

hafizulkifli says:
at: February 13, 2010 at 7:45 AM said...

kene start kumpul duit laa ayub...
blanje apa yg patut je....

"sedikit-sedikit, lama-lama jd bukit" =D

ZuwL89 says:
at: February 13, 2010 at 8:19 AM said...

Salam..aj, Insya-Allah, nanti dpt la soulmate yg sanggup berkorban sama, yg tabah, dan hebat.

mmg kata "Kita merancang Allah menentukan" tu betul tp kita berusaha utk permulaan yg baik dan pengakhiran yg hebat ;)

but, I cannot deny that after reading this entry, I can't help but to wonder what's the future have in store..for all of us..

abdus says:
at: February 13, 2010 at 11:44 AM said...

you got me into your points. now, aku pun risau gak T__T

Balqies Arafia says:
at: February 13, 2010 at 1:12 PM said...

Aj, firstly BREATHE!!! Do things step by step. and I'm sure if you're determine about certain things you'd like to accomplished by a certain age ...with Allah's will, you will.

my pak cik yusof saved up for 10 years before he could go perform Hajj ... and he works as our driver only ... and he has two wives, 2+1 kids ... and lives a live without bank loans and what not ...

just take things one step at a time k ...

Balqies Arafia says:
at: February 13, 2010 at 1:32 PM said...


Adilah Rafi'ah says:
at: February 13, 2010 at 1:39 PM said...

Salam. Inshallah jika diri baik, akan dijodohkan dengan yang baik juga.

Apabila rasa diri sendiri dan pihak perempuan sudah bersedia, maka teruskan. Jika lebih masa diperlukan untuk bersedia, dan itu yang terbaik, maka, ambillah masa. Serahkan diri sepenuhnya pada Allah.

Inshallah ada jalan penyelesaian bagi setiap masalah selagi kita bertaqwa pada Allah.

Tentang pengurusan ekonomi tu, ada Islamic loan dalam kebanyakan bank. Inshallah boleh dipercayai. =)

O ye, pasal ada orang nak tu, ada dah orang meminang ke? =)

Semoga diri semakin tenang. Berpeganglah padda taliNya, tuntun diri dengan kalimahNya.


a.j. says:
at: February 13, 2010 at 4:12 PM said...

kak fid: thnx for the words of comfort kak fid ... will try to comply and hold on to the promise we've made in front Allah before as istiqamah as possible ... and yes the fact that this world surrounded by too many riba do scare me ...

hafiz: ayub stuju! tidak boleh leka dikala muda ... nanti terlambat....

zuwl: yup, what actually lies in front of us... the wise will question and prepare, the heedless will ignore and live ONLY for the moment ...

abdus: we should all worry, its a major problem for the ummat ... with your GOd given talent, i hope u'll be on the front line of saving this ummah ...

balqies: wow, amazed by story of pak yusof... he looks simple and happy thou, im inspired and feeling safer now ... thnx

adilah: =) insyaAllah kalau semua lancar akan saya usahakan... persepsi cinta satu masa dahulu tidak lagi sama dgn sekarang ... kini setiap kali kisah pasal cinta, terngiang "tanggungjawab" di kepala... things doesnt seems that simple now ... insyaAllah ada jalan keluar bagi ummat, jikalau tiada kita semua bertanggungjawab mengeluarkan ummat dari belenggu ni ... wa bil khusus, a'mir fil malizia

TheHumbleWayfarer says:
at: February 13, 2010 at 5:35 PM said...

Dear Ayub,

Really it is such a big dilemma my beloved akh. even me myself, lately I think a lot about marriage, my life, my future and definitely what have I done so far towards my Deen. Not only riba', ppl are engaging in illegal relationship, coupling here and there without any thought to have a legal relationship and so on. Truly, it is really-really challenging given the fact that we are indeed living in a very challenging world.

However, it doesnt mean that we should compromise our Deen Ayub. Ayub, be strong and Insyaallah Allah will help us.

Try to look up the translation of Surah ad-Duha. I think you can grasp sth from it. Akh, love someone or sth for the sake of Allah because that is how it is ought to be. Remember, Allah would never forsake u my dear !! =)

-your akh fi Islam-

a.j. says:
at: February 13, 2010 at 6:40 PM said...


1 By the Glorious Morning Light,
2 And by the Night when it is still,-
3 Thy Guardian-Lord hath not forsaken thee, nor is He displeased.
4 And verily the Hereafter will be better for thee than the present.
5 And soon will thy Guardian-Lord give thee (that wherewith) thou shalt be well-pleased.
6 Did He not find thee an orphan and give thee shelter (and care)?
7 And He found thee wandering, and He gave thee guidance.
8 And He found thee in need, and made thee independent.
9 Therefore, treat not the orphan with harshness,
10 Nor repulse the petitioner (unheard);
11 But the bounty of the Lord - rehearse and proclaim!

[Surah Ad-Duha]'

Thy Guardian-Lord hath not forsaken thee, nor is He displeased.

indeed THW ... thnx, uve made aware to me of how special this surah is

at: February 13, 2010 at 6:53 PM said...

Ibu and Ayah got married when they were 20. No money, no car, no properties: NOTHING!

They started from zero you know. First child lahir when they were 23. Imagine, dah la student, kahwin awal, x de duit gaji and dah ada 1 anak.

Ibu jual kuih before she went to classes. And so does ayah.

And by 27, dah ada 3 anak. Ayah was doing his PHD at that moment of time. Lagila susah. Kena concentrate study, jaga family, kerja part time. Can you imagine?

By 30, dapat najwa. And a year after that, balik Msia.

4 anak! CAN YOU IMAGINE? 4 anak? and they still owned nothing at that moment of time.

Ayah selalu pesan. Hidup ni kena sabar. Merancang ni menyusahkan. Kita go with the flow je. Apa2 yang jadi, kita terima. Berusaha, jangan putus asa.

Ayub, bukan semuanya boleh terbentang luas macam tu je. Semua benda akan turun sikit demi sedikit. Bukan BOOOM! Semua ada. Tak.

kalau gaji start 3k pun, x kan la dah 5 tahun pun 3k gak. slow2.

and now Alhamdulillah, apa yang Allah bagi dah lebih dari cukup.

Keypoint : Sabar!

lyanne37 says:
at: February 13, 2010 at 6:59 PM said...

ayub.. how old are you now.? i thought of the same questions u asked in this post or maybe some similar questions.. =)

don't worry, if its for Allah, anything that's hard will be at ease. anything that most ppl think impossible will be possible for a true muslim.. =)

wish all of us the best, dunia & akhirat..

ishare whomyrare says:
at: February 13, 2010 at 8:21 PM said...

Don't worry. Everything gonna be just fine. Allah always be there for you. I think you should open small business by blogging.

a.j. says:
at: February 13, 2010 at 8:23 PM said...

najwa! ur dad is SUPERDEWPERAWESOME! so does ur mom! probably if i were your dad, i might worry the part of raising you up XD ... jual kuih.... idea...

lyanne: im 20 currently and 21 by year ... which question yer lyanne? amin to that ... may Allah give us the ease in this dunya and akhirat!

TheHumbleWayfarer says:
at: February 13, 2010 at 10:11 PM said...

Ayub, 21? really surprised me ! =)

a.j. says:
at: February 14, 2010 at 9:12 AM said...

ishare: idea! ... i saw a couple of my friends doing it ...

THW : how bout you akhi? im guessing ur 25 perhaps?